Birds and rain

  I love the storms.  I love it when everything in the outside atmosphere is in that state of unrest and on the edge of erupting into a magnificent display of whirling leaves and dust.  The smell of rain approaches, the strength of the wind and cloud movement is just awesome to behold.  In a world where everyone is texting constantly, and annoying me with their attachments to media and electronics, the outdoors and its lack of expectations is something I appreciate greatly.  I love the simplicity of just being and watching life unfold, no hurry, no have-tos.  The birds are a lot smarter than us.  They chirp to tell each other, "Watch, its going to be an outdoor movie".  They chirp and sing when the storm is done.  They don't worry about other birds' size of nest, they don't compare life and judge.  They simply just are and are happy with the worm they are eating now.  
It is drizzling now, the end  of a storm.  I like the chill in the air, it feels refreshing.  Its good to clean out and wash our "dirt" out every now and then.  Get our souls clean.  I have been dealing with the realization that nothing is constant.  Friendships and family relationships are just as stifling and non-satisfying as all other relationships.  There is no one on whom I can really depend on.  Not here on earth.  Which is just as well. 
It is disappointing though.  I thought I had a friend for life.  I have moved around all my life, some of it not by choice, some from circumstances that compelled us to move.  I was stuck in a religious movement for many years (raised in it) that does not foster or harbor deep relationships.   That particular cult pits pple against each other in the name of religion.  God-though set up as the ultimate authority is given great LIP service, but rarely do pple in that cult actually learn to love and give as He does.  I am still learning and will always be learning how to act like Him.  I am so far from  perfect. He is very patient with me.  I have a very delicate sense of trust and don't open up  easily.  So when I do and am shot down as has happened over and over in my life, you just start to shut down when conflicts arise.  Religion is the beginning of much wrong in the name of whats right. I really just want to move to another place and start over.  Let sunshine on my heart as well as my face.  Fresh beginnings.  I look forward to heaven.  PPle are not so overly sensitive and there is no judging of one another.