Thursday, March 17, 2011

How about Unforever?

  You know, if I would have stopped and broken down the word committment, I would have realized the root of the word -commit- as in lunacy, committed for life.  Unfortunately, when the rose colored glasses of hope and trust are on, one does not think too straight.  Had I known then what I know now, I am pretty sure I would not have walked down that aisle.  I would have done what I came within an inch of doing, which was running to my car and taking off like a bat out of hell and headed to California's mountain country.  I sooo nearly just did that.  To this day I don't know what made me walk up that aisle.  I don't care what pple think about me that much, not in that way.  I really just don't know why.  Well, yes I kinda do.  Dad (my ex-convict father who liked to abandon his family) had me by the arm, and in a stupid way, I wanted to show him that I was not like him.  I know he felt my hesitation when the music started and I did not walk up, and when he saw me looking toward the exit, he tugged on my arm slightly and I allowed that gesture to let years of burden rise up in me and say that I will be better than you if it kills me.  Apparently I can be stupid that way.   No apples falling close to that tree.   No time for a do-over.  Pshhhhh.  Faith don't fail me now.

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